April 22, 2014 • from women, Love, Sex • Views: 5772

Casual sex… Can women have effective casual sex? This may go off topic a bit, since I am in a pensive mood… and feeling sad that I haven’t yet, again, found the one I love… It’s the Michael Buble song – I Just Haven’t Met You Yet… I am looking again for someone to love. And I have learned that there is a significant difference between love and sex.

I do need to thank those who have come recently for the (admittedly rather steep) learning curve. I could never have learned what I have learned about myself and the world these past few years without them having come into my life… So isn’t that what every relationship is – at the least it is a learning experience for those of us who choose to learn… of course this doesn’t mean we are able to choose not to repeat – why is that? Why, when we know the likely results do we choose to try it again anyway, hoping for something different – the eternal human optimism… thinking that now that we know, we are somehow more prepared or knowledgeable and therefore more able to achieve something different from similar materials

There’s a witty albeit “interesting” seminar leader I heard of a while back through some rather unusual acquaintances, who chooses to come and talk to us by channeling through the voice of Esther, a smart & funny though obviously eccentric lady. For me, Abraham/Esther’s most applicable message is that our experience in this plane, on this physical planet, is a matter of preferences… what we learn through our experiences shows us our preferences and knowing our preferences enables us to choose – to have that choice. This is human freedom – the ability to choose (if you’re lucky enough to live in freedom…) So, it is in this spirit that I choose to thank those who have helped me define, even though painfully, my preferences.

The problem with casual sex for me, and for many women, is the nature of sex for us is not casual. Good sex for women involves letting go in intimacy to a degree many of us are not comfortable with if we aren’t to some degree emotionally involved with, or at least trusting of, the other person. Oh, we can have casual sex and not expect a phone call later, and sometimes the very nature of never having to communicate with the person again if we don’t want to allows for the degree of letting go required to make it really good sex… but a lot of the time casual is not good sex for us. One theory I like says it’s because everything living is hardwired for the survival of the species and that, for women, that wiring involves some degree of connection to the partner so that on a basic biological level we can ensure that any issue resulting from the sex will be taken care of at least through the weaning period. We really don’t have a lot of biological choice… There’s also a funny theory floating around about the use of condoms, and that use contributing to the ability of women to have more “casual” sex – not for the obvious birth control reasons, but for a more subtle exchange of personal fluids reason, the absorption of a specific man’s hormonal and genetic materials that (as any woman who is honest with herself when she thinks about it knows) somehow communicates within our bodies and causes a really specific attachment (or rejection) reaction – real, even if it’s only based in something as simple as a day after smell bringing back memories… This might explain the inability to stop thinking about, sometimes craving, someone we rationally know we shouldn’t even consider. Now, as in anything, there are always exceptions – we have all heard of the women who act like men and can do whatever with whomever whenever and wherever… I’ve never personally met one, but people say they are out there… I’m not one of them – usually the endorphins, or personal male hormone injections get to me (the later only if I’ve believed them when they say we are in a “Committed Monogamous Relationship” and their written STD report copies after 6 months in that “Committed Monogamous Relationship” show they are clean).

The good (depending on your personal philosophy of course) news for me is that it appears, with time, some of the biological imperative wears off and the sex actually can get better – maybe it’s the “preferences” knowledge that comes with experience that allows the choosing of potential partners not so much for ability to be a Dad and provide for offspring, but, simply, for fun and entertainment.   Because, to put it bluntly, the sex I’ve had in the past few years from (and yes, I meant from) men who would be absolutely unacceptable otherwise has been the best sex of my life. Now, I’m not talking about “unacceptable” for any other reason than that I have, since my initial meetings, found over time & experience with them that they had/have significantly less ethics, morals, scruples, principles (my definition of character) than I have and than I would prefer in my choice of mate. But I don’t have to choose them as a mate now that I’m over the biological imperative; I can simply choose them for the great, fun, creative sex!